HONESTY

People will often tell me that they like my honesty. That I am straightforward and happy in my own skin. What they don't know, is that edit what I say a lot before it leaves my mouth. It is basically a case of "Don't mistake what I am saying for what I am thinking".
I am often amazed by other people, and I think my amazement has increased during the last year or so - because of being diagnosed with cancer and surviving chemo. So often I look at colleagues or other people and am completely astonished by what they think are important. They remind me of chickens scratching in the dust for food: peck, peck, peck, cackle, cackle, cackle. Then I have to work really hard on my editing skills. And if you as me for my opinion, I will give it to you. If you don't ask, I probably will still give it to you, but I will try to do it with as much compassion as possible.
So when I say, "Actually, I sent an e-mail on 23 June 2011 and you were one of those who did not read it, although it was delivered", I in fact want to say, "You sit on your lazy behind and attend meetings and talk a lot and earn a fat salary, but when it comes to doing the actual work - for which you are paid and I am not - you do nothing." Or I feel like saying, "Honey, that hair style is doing absolutely nothing for you - perms went out of fashion in the 80's", but I don't. Instead I say, "Do you like it?" If you ask me for my opinion and I say, "I do believe that matter is best discussed outside the meeting," I may actually be thinking, "You are being rude to your subordinates in front of your equals and that is a measure of your integrity. You should try to control yourself so that you don't make a fool of yourself."
People think you are being honest when you say things like, "I don't like my sister's boyfriend", or "I don't agree with you", but be really honest now: how many times would you have liked to say something really nasty to someone and you did not? Maybe you felt like slapping somebody, and then you said, "Please allow me to reprogram you neurologically."
In my opinion, the truly worthwhile moments in life, are the ones where people are completely honest with each other on an equal and compassionate level.
Today I had one of those moments. I simply said to someone, "I can't believe how that man is talking to you." He answered, "If you are the gardener, you must be quiet", meaning that if you are at the bottom of the ladder, you don't have much of a choice in how people treat you. I then said, "This is just my observation and take it for what it is worth, but you should not be a secretary. You don't like detail." He looked at me and told me about his passion in life. And I said, "If you are not following your passion, you are hurting your heart. You need to be a manager." Then he said, "I would have paid lots of money to hear those words. Today I got it for free. I will remember it my whole life."
Just one moment of honesty.
And that simply means: a moment of truth, without pretence, without pecking and cackling.