I want to lodge a complaint. A formal one. I have had enough of the strange woman who appears in my mirrors. She must now leave. Go away to where she came from. She is not welcome. In fact, she does not look like the woman in my brain at all. You know the one: she's smart and beautiful and chic and, above all, thin. The one in the mirror just looks, well, middle-aged. She has this extra tyre that she carries around her waist, and she has cellulite on her legs, plus a problem with leg hair. And talking about hair, you should see hers! I think she may be considering an Afro, as her hair just curls and curls and curls, like a permanent gone bad. I am sure if you try to bounce something off her head, it will bounce mightily - there is just so much spring there. At least she had something done to the colour. At one stage she looked a bit like my 80 year old aunt. Now the colour is more in keeping with the image of the woman in my head.
I really don't know what to do to get rid of this woman. She is like a bad rash: all over. I have taken her to Curves, and gone swimming and walking. I have put her on a diet and taken her for tests. She does not seem to get the message. She stays in my mirrors.
It is so annoying, that I have taken to comfort eating.
So now I would like to lodge a formal complaint: please take this woman and return the original!
